


Better Not to Know

by vassalady



Category: Pet Shop of Horrors
Genre: Light-Hearted, M/M, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:47:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21842428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vassalady/pseuds/vassalady
Summary: When D decides to deal with Chris's school issues, Leon never has the chance to know how.
Relationships: Count D/Leon Orcot
Comments: 15
Kudos: 110
Collections: Yuletide 2019





	Better Not to Know

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ede](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ede/gifts).



When Chris’s teacher, Ms. Cabrera, showed up at the pet shop one afternoon, she and Count D acted like fast friends, leaving Leon bewildered.

“Hey, when did you two get cozy?” he said quietly into D’s ear as Ms. Cabrera examined some rare breed of hamster.

D smiled, which was as obtuse an expression as always. “The Parent-Teacher conference you missed? I decided to step in for you, and she is a delight.”

“I- what?” This came out as a shout, and Ms. Cabrera looked at him in alarm before narrowing her eyes. Leon gave her a sheepish smile. He swore she was younger than him, but the furrow in her brow still made him feel like a school kid. Just great.

“What in the world were you thinking?” he said in a more measured tone.

D laughed softly and touched Leon’s arm. “Someone had to go. And you were called into work so suddenly, I thought I’d do you a favor.”

Leon did not want to imagine what that meeting had looked like. He was especially glad he had missed it, because it was entirely likely D would have insisted he join Leon anyway, and that would have been... Well, Leon did not want to dwell on it.

Ms. Cabrera ended up taking the hamster. "As a class pet," she explained. “And it was a pleasure to finally meet you, Mr. Orcot. Chris is a very special boy to have such a wonderful brother and a lovely...” She smiled pleasantly, if vaguely, at D. "Well, you know."

Leon gave her his best smile through clenched teeth. 

Chris stopped playing with T-chan long enough to wave goodbye.

D smoothly floated away to make tea as soon as Ms. Cabrera was gone. 

“So?” Leon followed him. “What else did she say?”

“Hmmm.” Instead of responding, D picked up a chocolate and popped it into his mouth. Ms. Cabrera had brought them. Leon was briefly distracted by the way D's lips pursed as he savored the chocolate. “Oh, how delightful!”

“D!” Leon caught D’s hand before he could eat another one.

D’s smile was all cheer this time as he intertwined their fingers. “Oh, that Chris has an excellent imagination, and when I told her the pet shop he wrote about was my own, she insisted on coming.”

“And?” D was very purposefully trying to distract Leon now, as D brought their hands up to his face, his warm breath ghosting over Leon's skin.

“She also thought it might be a good idea if he invited some friends over now and then. 'It doesn’t do for a boy to spend all that time by himself,’ as she said. Oh, but I did mention his friends here.”

D looked up at Leon through his lashes.

Leon snorted and pulled his hand away before he completely lost his train of thought. “Yeah, a goat. What a great friend.” He quickly glanced behind him, but T-chan was nowhere to be seen.

“I think I’ll invite some of his schoolmates for tea,” D said, pouring a cup for himself. “How’s that sound?” 

There was something in D’s expression that Leon did not like at all. “Please don’t,” he said. “Not kids, D.” 

“I don’t know what you mean,” D said, and his smile grew as he lifted his cup to his lips.

Leon could feel a headache coming on.

\--

It was a week later when the hamster returned to D. She gave him the names he needed, and he thanked her with a whole head of lettuce and a bunch of carrots.

“You may return at any time,” D said. "The others miss you so."

“Not yet,” she said, as she nibbled on a piece of lettuce held delicately in sharp fingers. “The children are loud, but I like that woman.”

D stroked her hair, which fell in slight waves around her shoulders. “Of course. We all shall miss you.”

“She also spoke of how ‘cute’ you and the officer were. She wondered if she could get him for some sort of ‘dare’ program, or, perhaps, speak of nontraditional families.” She tiled her head. "What's a dare program?"

"I haven't the faintest idea," D said.

"Humans are strange," the hamster said before taking another leaf of lettuce.

They were indeed. D had grown fond of his, though. Humans were always doing unexpected things. Especially Leon.

Once she had left, D filled out three invitations for T-chan to drop off in the morning.

\--

Sometimes, it was better not to know what D was up to. But children’s lives were potentially at risk so Leon was determined to watch D like a hawk. So he watched and waited. And then he waited and watched. And he watched and waited some more until his boss yelled that he had too many cases piling up on his desk and to get his ass into his seat if he still wanted a job the next morning. 

So Leon was not actually there for whatever D had planned.

He only caught three terrified boys run screaming from the pet shop, and then there was D, smiling serenely, and Chris, nearly doubled over laughing. Even the damn goat was there and looked far too amused.

Leon craned his neck around to see if there were missing limbs. The kids had already disappeared. At least there were no trails of blood. That had to mean something, didn’t it?

“Do I want to know?” he said. He tried to keep the exasperation out of his voice, but it didn’t quite work.

D patted his cheek. “There’s nothing to know,” he said. He slipped his hand into Leon’s, and they followed Chris and T-chan into the shop. “We just thought we’d have some fun this afternoon, didn’t we?”

Leon glanced around the shop, but again, there wasn’t any evidence anything untoward happened. No, there was just an open box of sweets and a few glasses of water on the table. Maybe they were something more though…

That thought disappeared as Chris grabbed a glass and gulped it down, and D ate one of the sweets. He offered the box to Leon. 

“Look, can we talk?” Leon said. Chris looked up at him curiously. “Ah, in private. Sorry, Chris. Can you give us a few?”

Chris nodded, and he left the room with T-chan.

D settled down onto the couch and placed a hand briefly on the seat beside him. Leon sat with a loud thwump. He ran his hands through his hair before turning to D, who smiled pleasantly at him, eyebrows raised in slight question.

Where to begin? “I’m glad you’re helping out with Chris and all, I am,” he said, and then sighed. “No, sorry, look, I just… I don’t know, we should talk about things. Like I need to meet his teacher, too, and I need to know who his friends are. Or aren’t. Or-”

Leon found a chocolate truffle in his mouth, and D giving him a devilishly pleased look. “She thinks we’re cute, you know.”

“She shinks shwhat?”

“Ms. Cabrera.” D leaned in closer and pressed his lips to Leon’s. Leon had no choice but to swallow the chocolate whole, and ouch, that was a mistake. D pulled back, looking disappointed.

“What a waste,” he said.

Leon’s face burned. “Hey!” he managed after a few more gulps, the chocolate finally moving down from his throat. “Don’t try to change the subject.”

“I’m not,” D said, a hand slipping beneath Leon’s shirt. “I’m just moving the conversation to a more private place.”

Leon gulped, this time because he could get behind that. Like, real bad. “But Chris-”

“He’s fine. T-chan is with him. They’ll feed the animals.”

D made a pretty convincing case there. Leon let himself be led from the parlor after D turned the shop sign around.

\--

D indulged in a lovely hot cup of tea. It had been quite a day, introducing Chris’s classmates to some more of his exotic pets, handling Leon (though that was no chore,) and of course, earlier that morning, teaching Chris the history of the phoenix and the sphinx. Really, what kind of education was he getting in that school? If it were up to him, Chris would never attend that place, and D would make sure he received a full education.

Chris didn’t even know how to counteract a single type of poison or venom. What a shame.

Leon wandered out, shirt unbuttoned and yawning. He leaned in from behind D and gave him a slow, lingering kiss.

In the distance, he heard a cockatrice crow, the pleased sound of a fat and happy bird snake. Between D and Leon, Chris would turn out fine. Leon worried far too much, and D was happy to distract him from that.

After all, Leon was better off not knowing about some things, and that suited D (and Chris) just fine.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry no children were actually fed to any hungry animals! Hope you enjoyed it! Happy Yuletide!


End file.
